Your Beautiful
by love-r-of-Jam
Summary: It's been five years since Jess left Rory at the pub, and their lives have changed drastically. When both have been through tragedy and divorce, a simple meeting on a train changes everything.
1. Prolouge

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing, the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess see's Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

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Jess Mariano had changed so much since most people had seen him last. No longer was he the angry man, but instead he had become the grieving man. He had left New York determined to never look back and he did just that for three years and then suddenly, things changed.

He met her at a book expo in Toronto. She smiled at him across the huge conference room and she waved and that was it. He was hooked. Sarah was everything he thought he never wanted. She had natural red hair and was cheery and happy all the time. At first it unnerved him and then soon it became something he looked forward to. Her sunny positive way of thinking.

Sarah was an editor at one of the biggest publishing houses in Philadelphia and was sent to Toronto to snuff out the new and undiscovered talent, and woo them to the company. Jess was one of the people she was supposed to woo, but there was a different type of wooing happening.

They spent most of their first few days together getting to know each other, and suddenly Jess started to forget about the girl he had loved for so long. She suddenly became just a small town girl who had stolen his heart briefly, but he had finally met the person who would always have his heart.

Sarah and Jess spent more time together than apart, and they moved in pretty fast. Things with Sarah were easy. There was no disapproving town folk glaring at him and waiting for him to mess up. No scary snobby grandparents that just waited for him to hurt her and definitely no crazy giant ex boyfriends waiting for him to mess up. Everything came easy for them.

Jess had once heard the expression that love shouldn't be hard, and he thought that this must be true, because with Sarah everything was easy.

They got married eight months after meeting each other and it happened that Jess's second book was published a mere month after their wedding date. Jess's book which was more embraced in the literary world was hailed as a breath of fresh air by the critics and suddenly he had a career and a life. To Jess, this was a world of dreams coming true.

To the small town that once held Jess as one of its citizens; they had no idea that their local town delinquent had changed so much. Even his uncle had no idea that his nephew had changed and that his life was everything Luke had hoped for him.

Rory Gilmore was a different story. She had finished Yale after some time off, and she had found herself some may say. She worked hard and she didn't rely on connections anymore. No longer was she using her grandfather's contacts and in turn she started to feel like maybe she didn't owe him as much.

She broke up with Logan after two years of their trying to make their relationship work. Rory realized after awhile that she just wanted things to work out because it was easier than going out there and trying to find someone who would make her really happy.

Rory had never gotten back into the swing of the news world. Never found reporting or writing for the school paper as exciting and she never got that passion back. Mitchum Huntzberger had stolen it from her, but she wasn't a lost cause.

She discovered that maybe her gift for reading and for her perfect grammar may come in handy. She changed her major to English lit and she suffered through some of the worst classes, but all in all it was worth it. She became a junior editor at a company in New York a few months after graduating.

Life was what it was, and no longer was her mind befuddled with dreams she created when she was a kid. She didn't let people control her through their visions of who they thought she should be. She wasn't obligated anymore.

She visited home and she smiled and told everyone her life was great and it was. She had money and pretty shoes and she had friends. She would occasionally grace the gossip column and even people not from the society obsessed minds of Hartford Connecticut.

She met Kyle when she was firmly situated in New York. They had met at a knicks game which the old Rory would never go to. He spilt his coffee on her and then smiled at her in this sheepish way and she was hooked.

They took things really slow. They waited two months to officially date, and it took them months before they were really intimate. And it was a year of them dating for Kyle to meet her family and the town of Stars Hallow.

Kyle was smart and successful, but he didn't challenge her like Jess and Logan did, and he didn't have that spark like she had with Dean. Kyle was easy and he never made her feel trapped. Being with Kyle was easy and she liked it.

Kyle proposed to her after two years of them being together, and Rory had simply said yes and he slid the cold ring on her finger and Rory had spent hours staring at it. It felt heavy and foreign and most of all, she felt like it didn't belong on her finger, it was something meant for somebody else.

But she never said anything, and she stayed silent when her mother and Sookie planned her wedding. She was silent about it when she said her vows in front of 200 of their closet friends and family. And she never said a word on their honeymoon.

Kyle and Rory James lived in awkward bliss for a year. Kyle began to notice that the smiles he thought his wife wore were strained. She was silent and when she noticed he was staring at her she would smile wider and she would try to prove to him that she was happy. He just didn't understand it.

Kyle James didn't have to wonder about it for much longer, he got the opportunity of a lifetime and asked his wife to move with him to Paris. Rory had looked shocked and told him she just couldn't leave New York.

'I'm sorry Kyle, I can't leave. I need tobe here.' Rory would say over and over again, and finally he gave up, handed her divorce papers and set off for his new life in Paris, never understanding exactly why his wife wanted to stay in a city that she hated?

Meanwhile Jess and Sarah were blissfully married. She was pregnant and he was ecstatic. He was on his third book, and his following was getting stronger by each thing he published. Sarah just seemed to breeze in and out of things with ease and grace that he had never seen.

And then one day he got the phone call that he never imagined he would ever get. Some faceless police officer telling him that his wife was dead and that it was a tragedy. She was hit by a car while crossing a street near their home.

He had sat in their living room, a room they had painted together and he had stared into space for days. He had to call Sarah's family to come and help him with the funeral and her affairs, and he just let them do the arrangements.

Two months after the accident, Jess boxed everything and he moved to the city he had escaped from. He couldn't live in the same city anymore.

And that's when, on the morning A train to Broadway, he saw her. She had changed, and she looked different, he saw Rory, and all he wanted to do was tell her what he thought. Rory looked up and there was Jess. The person from her past that she still couldn't put in a list or a box.

Jess walked over to her as easily as he could on the crowded train and smiled. 'Your Beautiful' he said simply and suddenly, everything was back.


	2. Empty Closets Full of Promise

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

To all who reviewed, this part is dedicated to you. I was not expecting that and I am still shocked. And to those who said it was rather odd for Jess to approach Rory like that, don't worry, I'll explain.

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Jess had left everything behind in Philadelphia. He only brought a few pictures to remember the best years of his life and the tinny pink dress he bought for the daughter he was supposed to have by now with his wife.

He didn't know what hurt more, the lost of his wife and best friend, or the loss of his only child. He never even got to see what she looked like, and really the only thing he would ever want, is to see what colour of eyes she would have had.

Sarah's parents didn't think that his move so soon after Sarah's accident was a good idea, but even being around them was painful. He had a family for a short time, but now it was gone, and he just felt they were being nice. He hated it.

He had found a nice one bedroom apartment in a little back street behind Times Square. It was a find of a lifetime and most of all, it was quiet most of the time, and I gave him lots of time to think.

He hadn't written anything in the months since his wife's accident and he knew he had to write something soon. His editors and the publisher were getting tired of his excuses. But every time he sat down to write he just heard the silence and he just couldn't do it.

He had to write something. He needed to make money; he needed to eat and to have electricity and the phone, when Sarah's parents would call him once a week to check that he is still alive.

And then after a weekend of staying awake and staring at Sarah's face, he suddenly got an idea. He could keep her alive by writing about her. Make the rest of the world in love with her like he was. And suddenly this book was everything he had in the world.

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Rory Gilmore-James stared at the side of the closet that was empty. She knew she really was responsible for this turn in her life. Her grandmother was shocked on the events of her grand-daughters life and she knew that she really couldn't brag about her life.

Rory had lost something on her way to this life. Each year some of her spirit was chipped away and now she was a shell. Her mother had tried so many times to get to the bottom of it, but Rory had backed away from everything that reminded her of her former glory. The one thing going for Rory was her career.

Rory, a self made workaholic, spent more hours at the office editing and working on whatever book she was working on for hours and she never really let herself focus on anything else.

She had met Kyle and she thought that maybe h e would be able to get her to live again. She would take time off and explore with him. He was different from anyone she had dated, but still there was nothing there. She shouldn't have married him. But she was tired of being lonely and waiting for things to change.

Sometimes when she is in her what if stage of the month, she pictures what would have happened, if she followed Jess after he left her at the Pub. What if she had never looked back and broke up with Logan and started living her life with him. Would things be any better? But then she realized she couldn't begin to wonder, because nothing about Jess was predictable.

So here she was, staring at the empty side of the closet, the divorce was final and she hadn't heard from Kyle since he left. She only got a note when she received the divorce papers. _Hope what your waiting for comes _

It was cryptic and she knew he could see through her. Too bad Kyle never seems to get that maybe she was with him for all the wrong reasons. She looked down at her hand, with the small but pretty engagement ring that he had put on her hand what seemed like years ago but was really only a year and a half ago, and the cold wedding ring that was just there because she didn't know when to take it off.

Her phone rang and she just continued to sit on the bed, and the machine picked up.

_Kid, it's Ethan. I got this new book that we managed to get, and it's a godsend. The press on this kid will make sure all of us get bonuses at the end of the year. You're due to meet him at this café off of Times Square. Call me later and I'll give you time and place. See ya kid. _

Rory sighed at the news that already she had a new assignment. She had just finished editing this guy's book on how he made millions by doing nothing, and now after months of working all she wanted was some rest. But she sighed and got into bed and planned to talk to Ethan, her boss, about her new assignment.

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Jess had finally looked for a new publisher for the book he wrote about Sarah. It took him awhile, and he had been in the city for almost a year, but it was done and even her parents loved it. He had approached one of the companies who had approached him many times and he figured this way would be easiest.

Some over eager sap had assured him that his top editor a Mrs. James, would make sure that this story would be told appropriately and that she was the most talented editor in the business. 'She's got a way to see what the author is trying to say.'

He sighed and lay in his bed and hoped that when he met this editor, she wouldn't try to taint this book.

Author's Note: How was this? Does this pass the test?


	3. Strange and Beautiful

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Thanks for all of the reviews, you guys are awesome, and I promise I will have a new part out really soon. No more Eve to distract me!

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The minute I woke up I felt like something was different in my life. It was a feeling of déjà vu, but in this way I had never felt before. I could tell my life was going change, and I had no idea how it was. And the way I knew this was happening was when I woke up I smiled.

I can't remember the last time I smiled when I woke up. I used to do it as a child, because I had the town as a playground. I could go and zip around the Inn and bug the staff and have my mom there with me and everything was great. When I was a teenager, I thankfully was free of angst for a lot of the time, and when I happened to come across some of it, it faded with the absurdity that was my mother's and I life.

But something changed at the end of first year. The happiness that seemed to follow me effortlessly, somehow got lost in the move. No longer was I looking forward to using the different pens it took me hours to find on the pads I had looked for everywhere. I didn't feel the passion to write an article, and no longer did I love to just sit in my living room with my mother, and watch stupid movies.

I had lost myself somewhere, and I didn't know how to get it back. Time with Logan just made it worse, because every act that was so anti Rory made me feel worse and worse. Every event 'she' went to where 'she' would drink and dance and be around people that normally I would mock with mom, made me disappear.

I was doing better between Logan and Kyle. I had time to think and remember. I was working all the time and trying to prove to my bosses and to myself that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a journalist, but an editor was my calling. I knew that I could show the world that I had worth.

I have friends and I would go out occasionally, but nothing that merited much news. And then I met Kyle and suddenly I thought that this was my chance. He was something I could get used to. He liked adventure and fun and he loved to make me laugh, but there was never any fire. And with Kyle, all that progress I had made, disappeared in the time we spent together.

I wasn't miserable, but I wasn't happy and I couldn't shake the feeling and when he said he had the offer of a lifetime, and we would start our married life together in Paris, I found my out. A way to end this charade.

I sighed and got up and got ready for work, thinking about my plan to take some time off. I knew that Ethan wanted me to do this new author's book, but I couldn't imagine me surviving yet another tale of how this guy had conquered the man and figured out how to trick everyone around him.

But as I walked into the building I could tell something would be different. It wasn't the building. No little elves changing the structure as I was asleep. There were no changes in the staff and certainly there wasn't anything that was really different.

People seemed to be happier, excited and they were all talking to each other. Even Janet, the bitter temp who would spend most of her time writing in her blog about the injustices of office politics which mom would read every day and comment just to infuriate her, seemed happier. She even waved to me.

Maureen chased me down and handed me a coffee and messages. 'Ethan wants you in his office yesterday, Lane Kim called to tell you she is in Tallahassee so not to call the police and your mother called to let you know that there is exactly fourteen Doose's in Connecticut.'

I shook my head and thanked Maureen and sat down while I waited for Ethan to walk into my office. There was no point going to his office, since he was never in there anyways. I was proven right by Ethan storming into my office in a whirlwind of activity. Most people thought he was an intern on the phone. He was just very excited about things.

'Kid, this is the biggest break that our company has ever had. This author can give this company the press we need.' Ethan handed me a file. 'This kid is mildly successful, and people flock to his books. This new one, I just got a small glance at one of the chapters, and I have to tell you kid, it was enthralling.'

I looked down and there it was. The name. Jess Mariano. I just stared at the name in black print, and it seemed odd that there was no indication that this was such an occasion. How could people not know that this Jess, the one who was a successful writer, once held my heart in his hands?

'You ok Rory? Your face is paler than normal?' Ethan brings me out of my fog and I smile. 'Don't worry about this Ethan; I will make sure that he is taken care of.' I smiled at him and he started to laugh.

'I can't believe that we have this chance.' Ethan laughs again and shakes his head and leaves my office, and I just stare off into space. I would get to see Jess again. That far off what if scenario maybe not so far off.

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Jess got a message from the assistant of his new editor and let him know that she will have some suggestions for what needs work on. Normally he didn't really mind editors ripping apart his work, but this was a personal project, and he resented that someone would find fault in his memoriam of his wife.

He knew as a writer that he needed to be able to accept other people's criticism. Especially editors who wanted what the writer wanted. A great book.

Normally, Sarah would be apart of this process. She would sit and read through his new pages and she would sit for hours with those black plastic glasses she always wore, and then after she was done she would tell him honestly what she thought. A lot of their fights were because of her need to be realistic and honest with her opinions.

Jess smiled at the thought of Sarah just giving him this look whenever he would get testy and she would just wait for him to calm down. Eventually he saw that she was right. She had a natural gift for seeing the potential of a passage even before it was finished. And now he was alone in this.

Sarah's brother had come to visit him. Henry was 19 and just starting out in the world and he and I had sat in my living room and he asked me if I thought my life would be different if the baby survived. At first I wanted to punch him, it was almost cruel what he asked me, but I realized he was just asking me a question. I didn't answer him, but it's not like I didn't wonder.

Had the baby survived, I would have been still grief ridden and in a dark place, but there would be something to distract me from the nights, and I would have something forever of Sarah. And then I would doubt that a child could make me feel any better.

And with that I wrote down a thought, an idea. Is life better with somebody, or is it easier going at it alone?

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Jess sighed when he got the call that his mother wanted to see him. He hadn't really seen her in a few years, ever since she and T.J embarrassed him in front of Sarah's parents. It almost made him want to run away from Sarah and the life they were building, but he figured that this was a test to see if she really did love him.

She laughed and said everyone had things they may think are embarrassing, but really his mother was just like any other mother, had to embarrass her son. She had been gracious and warm to Liz, but after that he hadn't felt the need to talk to his mother.

She only found out about Sarah this past week. Through Luke probably, who he visited a few times of the year. The train was packed and it was thick with the odours of life for the new Yorkers on this train.

The walk from the station to his mother's temporary apartment wasn't too far and when he got there, his mother opened her arms to him. 'Jessie!' She hugged him and he tried not to cringe.

'Luke told me about Sarah, I'm so sorry.' She pinched his cheek and then dragged him to the couch where T.J sat and was playing with a yoyo. 'When did it happen? Are you ok?' she asked him and he sighed. 'A year and a half ago, I don't really want to talk about it Liz.' He tried to say and Liz just looked at him.

'You never talk to me about things happening in your life.' Liz said and he just shook his head. 'You weren't interested for a long time, and when you finally did, it was too late. I raised myself with some help with Luke.' She looked hurt and he sighed. No man, no matter the circumstances liked to hurt his mother.

'Look Liz, I can't talk about it alright? I can't say the words out loud, and pretty soon you can find out as much as you want when I finish my book on her. I wanted to honour her. There even Luke doesn't know about that.'

Liz watched T.J play with the goddamn yo yo and I didn't understand why I came here. 'Look Liz, I just came by to tell you that I am alive and trying to adjust.' She just shrugged. 'You know I found out from Lorelai that you dated her daughter, I kind of knew, but then I met her at her wedding, and I figured out that this was the girl you left when you came back for that short while.'

I sighed. And suddenly I paused. Rory got married. 'So you met her?' I asked and Liz just chuckles. 'Yeah she didn't look too happy to get married, I guess I was proven right about it. She got divorced under a year, but you should have told me.' Liz says and I sigh. 'Well I gotta run, I need to get back for a meeting, so see ya later Liz.' I leaned and kissed her cheek and nodded at T.J who had been mysteriously quiet.

I walked to the station and thought that my visit with Liz could have gone better. I could haven o been sullen when I got there, and I could have explained better why I didn't want to talk about Sarah.

This time the train was not so packed and he got to sit down. The train moved in a rhythmic motion and he heard a cell phone ring and there she was. Maybe 5 years ago he would have approached her. He could see it in his head, it would be just as bitter sweet as it had been the last time he saw her.

He remembered what his mother had said, her marriage had broken up, and she looked so forlorn now, and he figured she hadn't seen him so he got up and approached her. Things with her wouldn't ever be to the point he had hoped for when he went to visit her in Hartford.

She looked shocked and looked around he figured he would say hi, but when he looked at her, and in her eyes, they were so full of hurt and he saw the lost little girl he had seen when he had come back to tell her he loved her.

So instead of his intended words, a simple phrase of you're beautiful came out. Jess was just as surprised that this came out of his mouth. And Rory had looked at him and she shrugged. 'So this is it?' She asked and he shrugged.

Jess turned and walked away and sat in his spot before and when he closed his eyes, he saw Sarah's face and suddenly he felt guilty. Guilt for speaking to someone who wasn't his wife.

**Author's Note: Well this is the new part, and sorry it took so long to get out. My best friend goes to Art school in New York and I had to spend some time with her before she goes back. Damn New York being so far from Toronto. Hope you guys like it, and I really appreciate your comments and I think about what you said while writing, so criticism is welcome! **

**Adios! **


	4. You Know Your Right

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

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Rory had been preparing herself for the meeting with Jess. She knew that he would object to her being his editor. She had managed to use her married name to fool him into thinking that this Miss James had never met him before, and she hoped he would not know who she was until she helped him with his book.

She had read some of the chapters he had handed in while meeting with Ethan. It was beautiful and poetic, and she saw some things that needed changing, but pretty much it was a finished product.

Rory had loved his writing style in the subsect but it was a lot more courser. It was full pf personality and a lot of substance, but there was something missing within it. Like it was missing the experience that Jess really had.

And she had bought his second book which was simply called Eyes, it was much more poetic and it was virtually a book full of love and humour. Rory had been jealous at first but then when she realized that maybe the woman who was in this book, had been his wife, she had suddenly devoured the book. Almost as fast as she read his first. This time the book had been filled with the knowledge.

And from what she read, this book surpassed them. It was tragic and full of pain, but she could see the woman in her mind. Could tell you what her colour of eyes she had, and how she laughed. He had managed to put all the details she needed to know in just one chapter.

So she emailed him instead and asked him to make some changes and she listed them and to send them via the email. She knew he wasn't ready to see her yet, especially after their impromptu meeting on the train.

She had seen him briefly, and then she acted like he wasn't there. She wasn't ready to tell him the truth, and when she did, she had to make sure he had no where to run, and had to probably brace herself for his anger and his words. Because if there was something Jess was good at, it was the harsh words.

Rory knew her life wasn't perfect, in fact it was hell on wheels, serving 2 billion. She had messed things up with Kyle, but in the end it worked out. She knew he wasn't the one for her, but she had done what her mother had done. Kyle was her Max, only she didn't have anyone to give her the reality check her dad managed to do for her mom.

She just hoped that there was a Luke out there for her. A man she could depend on, and accept her for who she was and is. So she opened up the new email from Jess, and read his comments on her comments, and she had to smile. He didn't know who she was and she wanted him to think that Miss James is his editor until she got a firm handle on her feelings.

When she had said 'so this is it?' she had merely meant to say that this was not how she envisioned seeing him again. She knew he would be in her life again very soon, but she pictured herself in some stunning outfit, looking fit and happy, not depressed and cramped and looking how she felt. Expired.

She watched him go back and he stood and stared at the doors and he never glanced back. Rory closed her eyes and tried to ease the tension out of her body. How was she going to get back to where they were?

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'Mr Mariano, this is Maureen, Mrs Scott assistant, if you could send the new changes to Mrs Scott, so she is ready for the meeting next week, thank you. And call me if you have any concerns.'

I sighed and went over to email my editor the new changes I had managed to do. It had been almost three months since he had first been contacted by this mysterious editor. He knew her married name, and that she was talented. She hadn't tried to change the image of the book, just tightned certain parts and expanded on some. She had written that this was the kind of project that she had always wanted to do.

I felt close to this person, and I didn't even know her first name. I knew that she had gone to an Ivy League college, had a strong upbringing and loved literature. She would make obscure references, and the first time she did that he felt assured that he had the right editor.

He got to know Maureen though. He would talk to her if he had any questions, and she was always really nice. She had even said that his boss seemed happier than ever. The only info on this editor of his that he got out of Maureen was that she was recently heart broken and that she spent more hours at the office, than she did at home.

And that she consumed his pages like it was oxygen. Maureen had described her boss as almost obsessive about his new rewrites and that she would spend hours reworking certain parts. He had lost his wife 2 years ago, and now the fog was starting to fade.

I would love Sarah for the rest of his life, but I didn't think I could do everything alone anymore. I had felt the quiet of being alone protected me for awhile. I never had to explain to anyone, but now all I wanted to do was explain to someone.

But that would come in time, and I don't think I am quite at the point that I would do anything about it for awhile. I had heard that grief is always in steps. At first it's the world ending pain, and then when it begins to dull, you accept what has happened, and once you managed to do that, you need to breathe and take a step forward. I need to take that step.

And I did when I sent the new pages and looked forward to this meeting with my editor.

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Meanwhile in a apartment not very far away from the heartbroken, the editor began to read the new changes and she smiled. He had managed to get what she thought he was going for without much prompting. She had managed to gain the courage to meet him. To have the meeting that any other editor would have with her author the first week she got the assignment.

She knew that she shouldn't have accepted the assignment. Ethics and all that. But she had wanted to help him, she almost said no, until she read the pages. She was going to tell Ethan that she needed time off after their meeting, but she had read the first paragraph, and that was it. She had to finish this. To help him. She owed him after all.

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It was stupid of him, but Jess was actually nervous about this meeting. He didn't know if this editor would turn out to be this scary woman who had managed to blow what he imagined out of the water. Or she could be everything and more.

He didn't know when his intrigue turned into something more. It was ridiculous to be in love with some woman he hardly knew and hadn't even met. Or this was fear and he was simply trying to occupy his mind.

He entered the restaurant and he looked around. How would he know who this woman was? Would she look worldly like he had imagined? Or would she be the bookish type? The very thing an editor should be, and in the smallest most darkest corner of his mind, the tinniest corner full of the thoughts he wouldn't ever acknowledge or even really think, he wondered if this editor would look like Rory?

A waiter showed him to a table, which the publishing house had reserved for this meeting, and Andrew let him know that Miss James would be there momentarily. He looked down at the finished product of his book. It wasn't thick and it was overwhelming. It was simple and beautiful.

Mr. Mariano, sorry I'm late.' A voice says, and when I look up there she is. 'Rory? What are you doing here?' I asked her and she sits down. 'I'm your editor.' She said and I just stared at her.

Author's Note: ok, I am thinking about not writing this anymore. It not going as I planned and you guys deserve a better story. I will try to put out one more chapter, but if it's not liked, than I will begin the sequel of Come home little girl, and forget this one.


	5. Such Great Heights

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

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Mr. Mariano, sorry I'm late.' A voice says, and when I look up there she is. 'Rory? What are you doing here?' I asked her and she sits down. 'I'm your editor.' She said and I just stared at her.

'What?' I say and I look at Rory, and it was like I was frozen completely. She sat down and I saw that she had the exact same manuscript that i had, of course she had it, she had been editing it secretly for months. I could feel the anger flare up at that thought. How dare she think she had the right to do this?

'What the hell do you think your doing Rory?' I seethe and Rory doesn't even react to my anger. 'I am looking for a waitress to order my drink and then I will explain to you the circumstances.' She says lightly and she doesn't even look worried.

'So there are circumstances? Did you just wake up one day and decide I am going to take something of Jess and taint it!' I said and I could see some of the people in the restaurant looking at us in interest. 'No Jess, I was mourning the loss of my marriage, when I got a call from my boss telling me I had a new author, I should have told him that I didn't have the energy or the mind to take on another egotistical writer, but before I could, Ethan threw your first copy on my desk, and I was enthralled.'

I just stared at her and she looked at me and her blue eyes managed to hit home and I had to look away. 'So you liked it, so what. This isn't just some book Rory, this means everything to me.'

She nodded and didn't say anything for a minute and then she smiled. 'I haven't seen you in awhile Jess. Six years, and I didn't even know you were married. And when I saw what your book was about, I wanted it to be the best it could be.' She shrugs and takes a sip of the coffee that a waitress had put on the table a few moments before.

'That may be, but what right do you have to keeping your identity secret? Was it a running joke at your work?' I say and she looks surprised. 'No, no one even has an inkling that I know you, I knew that if you figured out who I was, you wouldn't let me be apart of this, and I want to do this. For you and for Sarah.'

I glared at her. 'Don't you dare presume that you can even begin to understand…' I started but I saw her face. 'I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that from what I read, she deserves to be honored, and I want to help you.'

I tried to see if she had some sort of sign that she was deceiving me. But her face looked so innocent and there was nothing to indicate that she was. But I just couldn't imagine that she was here.

We ordered some food and Rory was basically silent. She smiled at me a couple of times but she never initiated the conversation, and all of this silence was beginning to drive me crazy.

'So how's your mom?' I ask and she swallows and looks surprised. 'She's good, Luke and her are having their third and last kid apparently.' She says and I smiled. 'I've met Will and Emma.' And she smiles this huge smile at the names of her siblings. 'Will is reading all the time now and he's only five. And Emma is two and she likes to point and shout what it is …' Rory's face brightened as she described her sister's new annoying habit and I just found myself watching her.

This was crazy, I was over her. I've been over her for a long time, ever since I saw Sarah, but here sitting with her now, that feeling I had, seems so far away. And here she was, living and breathing and looking just as beautiful as ever. I think back to my infatuation with the faceless Mrs. James person, and it seemed to fit that this Mrs. James was really Rory Gilmore.

'So how did it happen?' I asked her and she looked up from her meal and smiled. 'How did what happen?' She says and I continue to look at her. 'How did your marriage fall apart?'

I watch her face contort from shock to sorrow to anger. 'It's none of your business.' She says in a clipped tone and I just look at her and she sighs. 'He wanted to move to Paris, and I wanted to stay here. End of story, end of marriage.' I look at her and I don't see how that sentence could have come out of Rory Gilmore's mouth.

'So he just left you? How is he still alive with Luke and your father around?' I asked and Rory looked pale but she tried to smile. 'I didn't tell them until Kyle was in Paris. Kyle just wasn't it for me, you're lucky to have found her. Even if it was for a short time.' She says and if anyone else had said that to me, I would have shouted and ranted and stormed off, but from her, I knew what she meant.

'Sometimes the right person, isn't the one we are supposed to be with.' I said cryptically and Rory looked startled, and then she started going through her notes for the new changes. 'Alright, let's talk about the book?' She asks and I could have said no and stormed off, and told Ethan about her deception, but for some reason, I knew that with Rory as my editor, this was going to be the best of my work.

'Alright, let's get down to business.' I say and she looks up and she smiles.

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The minute I walked into my apartment I felt my knees go. Ever since I left Jess at the restaurant, I knew it would happen. Seeing him, and speaking to him and having to deal with all of these emotions. I had what if moments, but I never had to deal with the possibility that Jess would be in my life again. I knew I had blown it when I let him walk away from me.

He came to show me how I had changed his life, and I let stupid actions from two stupid kids, effect how I felt. Logan and I didn't speak for a few months after Jess left. Finally Logan realized he wanted to be with me, and he managed to convince me, but I was never totally convinced that it was a good idea.

My whole life, I had been doing what was the best for everyone, rather than what I wanted. And when I did what I thought would be best for me, I managed to get a permanent police record, and alienated a lot of people I cared about. But in the end it showed me that I could do it, if I was forced to.

I went back to school, to home and I acted like the old Rory was back. I tried to remember what she looked like, what clothes she wore and how she would react to certain situations. And eventually the new and the old merged into the version people saw now.

I immediately got into the shower and when I closed my eyes as the water washed away the sorrow of my past and the anger that seemed to burn through me from Jess, I saw his eyes, and they were so full of pain. I knew that somehow I had the power to change that, and secretly, I prayed that in the process, Jess managed to heal me too.

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I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I groaned as I stretched to get it and I mumbled a greeting while trying to hold onto the slippery dreamscape. 'Ace, you up?' The voice asks and I grumble.

'Logan, it's a Saturday and it's early, unless you have a reason that doesn't mean your untimely murder, go away.' I grumbled and he chuckled. We broke up and it took us awhile to get to a place where we could be friends, and now he and I had dinner together. He was one of the people who managed to help me get through Kyle's departure from my life.

'Ace, it's noon, get your lazy ass out of bed, and come let me in your building. I need help with the new layout of the paper Dad just acquired.' I groaned and stumbled to the call button and I heard the buzz that would let Logan into my building, and he would let himself in.

Logan always came to me with newspaper stuff. He never really got the hang of layout and I felt obligated in helping him. He needed to look like he knew what the hell he was doing, especially to the board of directors.

'Ace, I come bearing gifts.' Logan yelled as I stepped in the shower. 'Thanks, I'll be out in ten minutes, then I will help you this last time.' I shouted and he chuckled. I had been saying that, since the first time I ever helped him. Which happens to be the first time we took the first steps to becoming friends.

'Yeah yeah. Hurry it will get cold.' I shake my head and step into the shower. When I walk out fifteen minutes later, Logan has his feet on my coffee table and reading Jess's manuscript. I run and snatch it from his finger. 'Logan, hands off!' I shout and he looks startled. 'Whoa Ace, it's just a copy. No big deal.' He puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender, but I just glared at him.

'It's work, and this author is really protective of his work. No touchy alrighty?' I say and he shrugs. 'Whatever you say Ace, now I have Luke Coffee and the layout on the kitchen table.'

I begin to sip the coffee and look at the pieces of print and try to find the perfect layout. Each Newspaper that Logan takes over now, tries to have a perspective special to the area. I begin to change things around and then I sit back down and wait for Logan to praise my genius.

I look over at the Manuscript that I had placed lovingly on my kitchen counter. It's binding was broken, and it had been read and reread millions of times. In fact I knew pretty much most of it by heart, and with each new addition to it, I made sure that I knew it just as well. Logan looks at what I am staring at and he chuckles.

'Is this new author a guy or something?' He asks and I look panicked. I don't think that Jess would appreciate if I told Logan. Not that they would ever cross paths unless I enabled them to do so. 'Sure, but let's talk about this layout.' I said and Logan pushed the newspaper stuff aside and reached for the manuscript.

'Logan, I told you to leave it alone!' I cried and Logan just opened it and turned the pages. 'What is with you and this writer, you would think you were in love with him?' Logan started to laugh and I just watched him with my arms crossed. He noticed that I wasn't laughing and then his laughter turned to a scowl. 'Tell me you didn't fall in love with this twerp.'

I grab it from his hand and I go and put it in my bedroom with Logan following me. 'Who is this guy, you've always joked around with me about the authors.' Logan said and I put the manuscript in my drawer beside my bed.

'This time it's not some loser, this guy is talented and he doesn't deserve to be mocked.' I said and Logan just looked at me. 'rory, come one tell me what's going on? I haven't seen you this fired up since before Kyle.'

I smirked at that. Logan loathed Kyle. At first I thought it was because Kyle was serious competition when it came to my time. And then Logan saw what was going on. Kyle loved me, but I didn't love him equally.

'Logan, if I tell you something, do you promise not to do anything about it or comment on it ever again?' I asked and Logan chuckled. 'Sure why not.' He says and I quirk an eyebrow at him and he sighs. 'Fine Ace, I promise. Now tell me what's going on.' He says and I sit on my bed.

'You remember when that guy Jess came to see me when I was doing the time off thing?' Logan nodded. 'Well the author, it's him. And last week he found out that I was his editor.' Logan just stared at me.

'So why is this a bad thing? You're an amazing editor.' Logan asks and I sigh. 'Because I kept it a secret, and the book, it's about his wife who died. And the worst part is that I am jealous. I think I fell in love with Jess again, without my knowledge.' Logan just looks at me and then he sighs. 'Well let's see what we can do about this.'

So it seems that my muse is not so elusive. Hope you guys like this. I tried to put more conversation in here. Have a good read and review!


	6. House of smoke and mirrors

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Ok, this is the warning right now. This does not have proper grammar, and I am sure I misspelled things in here. This is something I do for fun, and so if you are one of those people who wants it to be perfect, well I am sorry, it's not. I really appreciate all the amazing reviews from you guys, but I need to let you know.

Thanks and keep on reading and review.

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It has been almost a month since Jess found out that I was his editor. I hadn't heard anything from him, and I had tried to email him a couple of times but I never heard anything from him. I didn't know if he was even getting them.

Logan had talked me through my feelings, and he made me realize that I was in love with Jess. I had been gaining momentum since I saw him last. I even showed him Jess's previous books, and now Logan was a converted Jess Mariano admirer. He even asked if I would introduce him to Jess.

Ethan had called me into his office for a progress report soon after Jess's and I disastrous meeting. I tried to convince him nothing was wrong, and luckily I had managed to do most o f the work before our meeting, so Ethan didn't think I wasn't taking this seriously.

I went home after Logan left my apartment that day and I told Mom everything and she started to laugh. 'Man, you two are idiots!' I glared at her, as she tickled Emma as she ran through the kitchen.

'I would have to disagree.' I said and she chuckled. 'I am talking about how you two are doing the dance that I did for so long with Luke. But Rory, do not hurt him. He can't handle any more grief.'

It was a surprise. Somehow my Mother became a Jess supporter, and not only that, you could tell she had always been, I had just been to blind to see it. Jess was the one who got me back to school, and after that Lorelai was supportive of him.

'Did you ever meet her?' I asked her after a few minutes of silence. She grimaced and she rubbed her slightly rounded belly. 'Yeah, I was there at the wedding, and a couple of family get together. Sarah.. was special.' Mom said.

'What was she like?' I asked and she looked surprised at my question. 'Sarah was, bubbly and funny, but she had this serious side that surprised us all. She loved Jess a lot, and he loved her.' She says and I stare at the table. Ever since I found out that Jess was married, I couldn't help the thought that was becoming too loud to be ignored. Had he loved her more than he ever loved me?

Luke came home and kissed Mom and waved to me and picked up William and started to tickle him while he was upside down and I saw Mom smile as she watched her boys. 'Your happy aren't you?' I asked her and she shrugged. 'How could I not? I have a Danes man.' She says and I smile at the sight of Luke wrestling with his son.

I wanted one, I discovered as I left the house. I wanted everything Mom had managed to find, and I couldn't help but think that maybe when I let Jess walk away from me, I had jeopardized that.

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Jess sat at his desk in his apartment, with Lou Reed playing softly in the background and looked through the emails Rory had sent him. At first they were just business, and then eventually as the weeks went by, she changed tactic, and she began to reveal things about her self. In an email she told him what had happened with Logan.

It was easier to just ignore what you meant, what we meant, and go back to him and just try to forget you ever existed. But I could never do that. Could you?

She had written and he had to get up from his computer after reading that, and he avoided writing and his email for days. He didn't know why that statement had disturbed him like it did, but when he shut his eyes, he pictured the Rory he knew now.

The adult, editor extraordinaire was different in a way that seemed to bother him. She was confident, even in their weird situation. She knew what she was doing, and she was talented. And it didn't help, that she had the legs that he didn't quite remember.

He swore and got up from his computer and went to get the phone. He had her number now. Thanks to Maureen who he had met the day before. He dialled the numbers and when he heard her pick up and in reaction he slammed the phone down.

Here he was, a grown man, and slowly he was emerging from the fog of the grief, and he couldn't even call his editor on the phone. Jess shook his head and decided that it was never too early to go to bed.

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'So have you heard from lover boy?' Logan asks me as I try to eat my chow mien. 'Logan, remember that I know where the knives are, and I will stab you!'

Logan didn't even look surprised at my response and continued to eat his shue mie. 'so I am taking that is a no?' I rolled my eyes at him. 'For the owner of prominent newspapers all over the states, you sure act like an idiot!'

Logan chuckled and threw part of his spring roll at me. 'Seriously, I am concerned, that's all.' I sigh. 'I think he may have called me yesterday but he hung up.' I said and he chuckled. 'Wow the great Lorelai Gilmore is flustered when it comes to men. What would the men of Yale think?'

Logan never got over the fact that I had most of the men of the LBD eating out of my hand after a few months. 'Your comments aren't appreciated here.' Logan chuckled and then tried to put on a serious face for me.

'If he called you, why don't you call him back?' Logan suggested and I shrugged. 'It's crazy, I am a successful professional, and yet I am acting like I am 14.'

Logan gets up and brings me the phone. 'Come on call him.' He coaxes and I sigh. 'Fine, I will. But when it goes badly, you need to buy me some pretty shoes!' Logan rolls his eyes but agrees.

I dial the number I had known for months, yet never used it. The phone rings and I hear a masculine voice answer. 'Uh Jess is that you? I asked and there was silence. 'Rory?' the voice said over the phone and I involuntarily closed my eyes at the way he said my name. It was almost the same way he did when we would have our kissing marathons.

' Hi Jess, I was.. I mean I am calling you to arrange another meeting to discuss the final changes before …' I sigh trying to come up with a reason. 'Rory? Before what?' he asks and I try not to look at Logan. 'I lied.' I said and I heard Logan laugh and I scowled at him.

'You lied? When?' he asks and I turn around so I couldn't see Logan's self-satisfied smirk. 'I didn't call you about the book.' I can hear him sigh over the phone. 'Ok, then why did you call me?' he asks and I swallow.

'I talked to my mom a while ago, and she told me… you know what? This was a bad idea, so I guess I will talk to you. Uh later.' I tried to hang up but I heard Jess yell my name. 'Would you finish one damn thought?' he says and I swallow nervously.

'I just wanted to say that I hope that you are willing to let me finish editing this project, and that you are able to trust me.' I said weakly and Logan just shakes his head at how I had chickened out.

'Oh well, might as well.' He says and we both don't say anything and then I can hear him swear. 'Rory, I am going to ask you something, and you have to answer me straight. Did you agree to be my editor just because of what you read or because of our past?' Jess asks and Logan picks up the extension then.

I push Logan out of the room and snatch up one of the portables. 'Rory you still there?' He asks and I look and see if Logan had managed a way to overhear my answer. 'Yes, I guess our past was a huge part of it.' I said and he started to laugh. 'This thing will never end will it?' Jess scoffed and I felt my heart breaking a little bit.

'What I mean is that I owe you a lot for your part in me getting my life on track. I wasn't looking for you, it just happened, and it happened at a time when I needed it, and all I wanted to do was give you back some of the kindness you gave me.' I said and I could hear the anger in my voice, and I was shocked about it.

'Whoa Rory, I wasn't accusing you of anything, I just meant, we seem to go in circles around each other. Look why don't we go for coffee or something? I know this place that is almost as good as Luke's?' He says and I can feel myself smile. 'Alright, let's do that.'

After I had ended the call and unlocked the door so Logan could come back in, he looked at me like he was expecting me to tell him everything. 'Well?' he says and I shrug. 'I guess I will find out.'

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That night Jess sent me his final changes to his book and I sat all night and reread the whole thing. Sure I knew it pretty well, and I could pretty much recite most parts, but I knew at the end of my reading session, that it was done. How fast these 3 months had gone by. I went to bed while thinking of ways to keep Jess in my life.

I met Jess for coffee a little over a week after our first phone conversation. I had talked to him almost every night afterwards and by the end of the phone call, I would usually spend a lot of time afterwards staring at the ceiling wondering exactly when I stopped thinking he was a possibility.

This Jess now was something, someone I had never encountered before. He was witty and smart, and everything the old Jess was, but he was more. He had the self-confidence that made him the focal point in the room. And the thing that bothered me the most, was that I had nothing to do with it. All these months I read about how amazing Sarah was, how intelligent, and loving, and perfect she was, and I had to ask myself, could I measure up?

He was the late one this time and when I saw him walk in, I tried to look like I hadn't been anxiously waiting. He smiled when he saw me and walked over, not noticing that the women in the small café were drooling at the mere sight of him. That wild untameable hair he perfected when he was young just made him even more desirable now.

'Hey sorry I'm late, everything is running late this morning.' He says and then he looks at me and he smiles. 'Hey you cut your hair?' He said and I tried not to smile that he notice. This was part of Logan's plan to tell whether Jess felt the same way as me, without me having to ask him.

I smiled and I shrugged. 'I really liked the bangs, so I figured why not.' And then I noticed how insipid I sounded so I just took a sip from my coffee. 'Well it looks great.' He says and we are both quiet.

Normally we would have a million things to say, but I was nervous. And of course I said the worst thing. 'Logan says hi.' Jess doesn't say anything but I could tell it bothered him. 'So your with him?' he asks and I couldn't tell if there was any meaning behind that.

'No, just friends. We broke up even before Yale was done. You were right, but as a friend, he's good. He actually helped me call you.' I said and Jess looked surprised. 'so he knows that you are my..' he stopped. 'Yeah he knows, he was snooping when he came for my help with something.'

Jess looks angry. 'Look, I was in the kitchen, and so was your copy, but the minute I saw him look at it, I took it away from him. It was none of his business, and I made sure he knew that. I'm sorry Jess. You had your trust in me..' I didn't even get to finish because Jess took my hand. 'Hey, it's not like he sold it to a rival publisher, so what did he think?' Jess asks.

I chuckled. 'He liked it, and he is this total literary snob. He kept on trying to steal a look at the new pages. I even had to change my password for my email.' I said and Jess laughed. The waitress puts down his cup of coffee and he takes a sip and we are both silent.

'Rory can I tell you something?' he asks me after we had finished a couple cups of coffee together. 'of course.'

He looks nervous and starts to look around. 'When I began this book, I was in it really deep. Grief I mean. I was convinced that I would die of it, and I wanted people to know Sarah before it happened, but now, after so much time has passed, I think, I am almost feeling like maybe I can move on. Do you think I'm a bad person for feeling that way?'

I didn't recognize jess. He was open and responsive and he hadn't used the word huh all through our coffee. 'No, I think that you realize that she wouldn't want you to just give up.'

Jess shrugged. 'When the times comes when I know for sure that I am ready, I'll let you know.' He says and then he changes the subject before I could even ask him.

As I was about to leave Jess calls out my name. 'Can you just promise that you won't disappear?' he asks and I almost stumble. 'I'll do what I can.' I said and he looked at me really intensely. Like the first kiss intense, that seemed to take over your body. 'Rory?' He says and I look at him for one more second. 'I promise.' I said and I walked out before I would say something that may embarrass me.

And as I rode the train back to my place, I kept running what he said over and over in my head. Does this mean what I think it does?


	7. What If I Do

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Ok, this is the warning right now. This does not have proper grammar, and I am sure I misspelled things in here. This is something I do for fun, and so if you are one of those people who want it to be perfect, well I am sorry, it's not. I really appreciate all the amazing reviews from you guys, but I need to let you know.

Thanks and keep on reading and review

I don't know if you have noticed, but each chapter is inspired by a song, or its on repeat on my ipod and so it influences the chapter. I recommend you listen to What if I do by Foo Fighters. This is a great song!

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I gave the final copy to Ethan for him to give it the ok. He was the one with the vision of what he wanted this company to be. He just sat and read the manuscript from cover to cover. 'This is..' He began but he just scratched his head. 'I don't even know what I can say about it, it's beautiful and aching in honesty. I don't know whether to cry or laugh most of the times. Whatever you did to make him write like this, you are getting a big raise Gilmore.' Ethan finishes and he just laughs.

'this is the greatest book we've published, and this kid is going to make us a household name. You're a genius!' Ethan says and hugs me. The office was a different place ever since we got this assignment. It was different when we got a legitimate author to work with, and not have to deal with the pretentious English student or the make it rich geek barons who wanted others to know of their wealth. Jess made us honest.

I called him right away to let him know that Ethan was ecstatic. To be published after this short of time between author and publisher and editor was unheard of. It was pretty much considered career suicide to be this cavalier about it, but when you have the chance to publish something that is so poignant, you jump at it.

'Thanks Rory, I couldn't have done this without you.' Jess had said when he came in to talk to Ethan about the final details. We hadn't really talked about what he and I had said to each other when we had coffee a couple of weeks ago.

I thought there was something between us. A tension that had rules our lives when we were together at 18, but I gathered it was gone. 'your welcome Jess.' I said and I walked back into my office, and suddenly the feeling of finally finding that thing I had been missing for so long, was gone, and I didn't quite know what I was going to do with myself.

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Life continued on with the date of when the book would hit the presses and I already had my next assignment. A bohemian wannabe poet who just happened to have a great wit, was getting a collection of her poems published and I spent most of my time arguing with her about whether her 'vision' of the future, could compromise with the rules of grammar and prose.

I heard from Jess once and a while, and my life resumed pretty much pre book. Lane had come up to escape the perils of being the next rock goddess, and I had confessed to her what had happened. 'So you guys almost tried again?' She had asked and I shrugged. Almost afraid that whatever it was, only happened in my head.

Lane had tried to reunite Hep Alien, but the band just didn't flow like they had. Brian had decided that his career in real estate was something he could do, and Zack started another band and he moved to Toronto. Gil had tried to help Lane reunite everyone, but it was evident that it wasn't going to happen, so he backed off.

Lane was bitter for a while, and angry. Angry with Zack for ruining things so badly, and for the rest of them for giving up so easy, and then one day the one person that she never expected to walk back into her life, did. Dave Rygalski came to Kim's Antiques with a request, that she have coffee with him.

At first Lane had been slightly 'cold' to him, but each day that he came by and was his normal charming self deprecating self, she started to forget about pretty much how he abandoned her.

Pretty quickly, Lane was embroiled in a love affair with Dave. He was the same in every respect, only they didn't have to sneak around. And soon they were off making music together. Lane and Dave singing together, and pretty much loving and singing. As cliché as that sounds.

And now A Lad and Neve was the new hot Indie band to hit the airwaves. The name was an anagram of their names together, and it held a funny story, which had gotten them onto the radio. And now they had the success that Lane never even dreamed of. And she was proud that it came from her determination and not being and doing something she couldn't defend.

'Rory you can't just sit and wait for things to happen. Your mom is a great example of that.' Lane had said to me and I listened to every sage word she said. Maybe being a rock goddess came with wisdom that a lonely book editor never got.

'Alright, I'll think of something.' I told her and she left to finish her tour and I tried to busy myself with trying to make this book of poetry readable.

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Things had been quiet since he had finished the book and it was now being printed and distributed. Life became dull and he found that as the days went by he thought more and more of Rory. He found himself being reminded of the lack of progress he made on trying to gain the mental clarity to call her.

He thought he was ready, but the idea that Sarah could see him back with her made him have a slight relapse and he ended up spending a week in bed. He had simply lost his momentum. He had written the book, the memorial of Sarah was finished and all the things he had wanted to do were finished, and he was stuck with the eternal question, where did that leave him.

He didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life and part of him knew that Sarah would want him to be with someone he loved. But even with that, the most logical answer to his dilemma, the feeling that he was sullying her name made it seem impossible.

He thought that maybe her parents held the key to unlocking his feelings of betrayal. If maybe they understood why he couldn't mourn Sarah anymore, then maybe it would be ok. But how do you tell your late wife's parents that only after a year and a half that you think your ready to move on.

Jess closed his eyes at that thought and just laid his head down on the pillow and tried to block out all of his thoughts. His phone rang and he just ignored it, his machine picked up from the entryway, and even with his door closed and his head firmly under his covers and a pillow he could still hear the faint lilt of Rory's voice.

Hey Jess, we haven't talked in a while, and I wanted to see what you were up to. Um, so call me back later. We could go for coffee. Uh bye.

And with that, Jess groaned. He needed to figure out how to approach Sarah's parents soon, or he would go crazy.

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A week after the phone call, Jess came home from grocery shopping to see a man sitting in his kitchen. 'George?' Jess said and the man turned around. 'wow it takes you a long time to shop.' George was a great friend from Philly, and they hadn't really spoken to him since the funeral.

'What are you doing here?' Jess asked. George just shrugged and continued to eat his sandwich. 'I heard from a little birdie that you hadn't left your apartment in a week, something's' up, and it's my job to make sure you survive this one.'

Jess sighed and he continued to stare at the magazine that was open on the coffee table in front of him. 'Circumstances beyond my control, that's all George. You didn't need to come all this way.' He said and got up to go to the kitchen to put the groceries away.

' Look man, we've been friends awhile, so I feel comfortable in telling you this. Suck it up. Now are you going to tell me why all of a sudden you reverted back to those ugly days?' George stood with his arms crossed and gave off this look like a stubborn teenager. 'It's nothing, I just finished the book, and so I am kind of lost.' Jess said and George just snorted.

'Bullshit, you thrive of having no clue on what you want to do. What's going on?' George retorts and waits for Jess to explain. George had met Jess around the same time that he met Sarah, and he saw them at their greatest and their worst, and he knew that Jess had to move on. But would he?

'It's nothing man, forget it. So why are you in New York other than your mothering skills?' Jess asked and finished putting away the food.

'I have to pick up a shipment and bring it back to Philly, so I figure why not visit my friend.' George said and he followed as Jess went and sat on his couch. Jess saw his answering machine blinking and he sighed and pressed the play button.

_Hey Jess, it's Luke. I am just calling to check up on you kid. I know that Rory was here a few weeks ago, and I don't know if you are even talking anymore. Well give me a call, your invited to the stupid town baby shower for Lorelai. _

George didn't even react to his first message. He knew the history behind Luke Danes and Jess. It was full of disappointment, but at the same time he knew that Luke was really the only positive father figure Jess was ever exposed to. He was the reason why Jess was such a good husband to Sarah.

Jess just smirked and pressed delete and the next message came on.

_Hi Jess, it's me Rory. Look I think I get the message now, whatever it was, was an editor/editee thing and I will back off. I will call you when we get the date for the book being printed. I'm sorry if I did anything to make you… you know what forget it. I'll call you when your first interview is scheduled. Bye Jess._

George watched as Jess face turned to a sorrowful expression and didn't say anything and just turned off his machine. 'You mind if I go to bed, I'm really tired?' he says and George knows not to press it.

'Yeah I am staying at the Marriott on 67th street, so I will call you so we can have that discussion eh?' George says and Jess just nods and he leaves Jess alone to his thoughts and once more the torturous thoughts of Rory Gilmore.

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Logan arrived for our weekly dinner and he told me about how he had managed to stand up to his father about something other than women. 'I told my father that I am not going to be his puppet for that much longer, so he better get used to me having a life outside hell.' Logan had said the minute he got into the door.

'Good, El Asno needs to know.' I said and I followed him to the kitchen. I had long ago made up my lovely nickname after my first interaction with him after the 'you don't' got it' fiasco of 2005. Logan just chuckled and opened up the delivery menu drawer in my kitchen.

'Chicken, Chinese or pizza?' Logan asks and I stare at the phone. It had been almost a week since I left my first phone message fro him and then I called him last night and still nothing. Maybe Jess was giving me the answer that I was looking for. 'Huh sorry?' I asked as I realized Logan was trying to get my attention.

'Chicken, Chinese or pizza?' Logan said again and I shrugged. 'Doesn't matter to me, just no onions on the pizza, it's a waste of a pizza.' I said and Logan nodded and picked out a pizza menu and then dialled the number.

'Hey can I order a pie for..' As Logan ordered I looked around my kitchen deciding that I needed to make a list of things I needed to do around here. It was my _get things done to take my mind of the reality time_ and I had made sure that I always had a pad handy during these times.

Logan and I sat and watched the first season of 'dead like me' together and we laughed at the dark humour. 'I see myself as a Mason.' Logan said and I laughed. 'No I see you as daisy. Your such a diva Logan.' He just grunted and then laughed. 'If I am daisy then you are Rube, you even kind of look like Mandy Patinkin.' Logan's replies.

He laughs and we watched an episode before our pizza arrived, and as I leaned on Logan's arm and ate my pizza and I sighed. 'He hasn't called me back? Do you think I am just stupid or naïve or being too..clingy?' I asked him and he shrugged.

'Men don't have the kind of thoughts your evoking Ror. Honestly he is probably too focused on his out coming book and his new projects that I doubt that he is staying up all night contemplating whether he should call you or not. Besides any moron would realize that you are not just some girl.' Logan says and I smile

'You're my loyal puppy you know that right?' I asked him and he rolled his eyes. For months after our break up, Logan would call me and tell me about the women he was with in a bid to make me feel jealous. But after Jess, I always felt like we were wrong, and his slutty behaviour just made my theory prove right.

'But I am someone's dog, I met this girl Rory, and she is the one.' Logan says and I sit up straighter. 'The one as in the one of the moment, or the month or is she the one and only?' I asked and I had to smile at Logan's dreamy expression. No one could ever describe Logan as anything other than a Casanova when it came to women.

He managed to worm his way into all women's hearts even the most cynical or the most pessimistic towards men. Even mom had a soft spot for him now. 'I don't know yet, I don't know her name.' He says and I laugh and we continue to eat and watch the grim reapers deal with death and their issues.

As he left much later that night, or perhaps early the next morning, he stops before he closes the door behind him. I'm on my way to bed, trying to gain the energy and the mental capacity to deal with Esmerelda tomorrow. She was my bohemian wannabe poet with the inability to understand that not random words put together can be called brilliantly printed poetry, no matter how loud she says it.

'You got to give him time Rory, if he was in love with you and he see you now, he will call. Just give him time to mourn his wife.' Logan says and shuts the door and I have to appreciate that as slutty and trivial as Logan can be at times, he is a very wise slut.

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Meanwhile somewhere in the very large city of New York, there was two brunette men sitting in front of a television while drinking beers. 'So who is this Rory person?' One says to the other.

Jess had been dreading this conversation with George as soon as he had listened to the message from her. Jess had managed to avoid the conversations of his past with George and most of the people from Philly. They may know about his lack of a great relationship with is mother and his respect for Luke, but nothing of Rory.

Who was he kidding, he knew that the minute he talked to his in laws and they thought he was ready he would call her. But George was there during his dating and marrying Sarah, and he was almost afraid of what George would say.

'She's my editor..' Jess says and takes a long sip of his Canadian import beer. (Higher alcohol content) but he could tell that George was not buying this.

'And I am the next governor of Kentucky, now who is this person that makes you so.. Panicky' George says and he can tell that Jess was hiding something.

'Come on man, it's not like I will tattle to anyone.' He says and Jess remains silent while watching a hockey game on the television. 'She was my ex girlfriend, the only other girl.' He says and George is quiet.

'It's something from way back and it's kind of embarrassing to talk like this but I really thought Rory was it for me. She was everything that I thought I would never find, but I made mistakes and she was gone. And then I am hit with the hardest thing in my life and suddenly she appears and helps me breathe again. Even without her knowing about it.' Jess says and George just chuckles.

Jess gets mad at the sight of his trusted friend laughing while he lets someone in. 'What the hell man.' Jess starts and George just shakes his head. 'No, it's not that. It's just Sarah always knew that here was some unlucky girl who had given up on you too fast. She used to say that she wanted to meet her and shake her hand. And to think that you are entranced by her again.' George continues to chuckle and shake his head at how absurd Jess's life was at times.

Jess looked mad and took another angry sip at his beer. 'I am glad that I am amusing you.' He growls and George tries to stop his chuckling. 'Well aside from amusing me, you need to get over your wallowing. Sarah wouldn't want it, and you go after her. You are in love with her.'

Jess looked over at George and he tried to see if this was some test, trying to test his resolve to his late wife. 'Go after her and never let her go.' George says again, and Jess just shrugs.

'What if I do George, what if I do?'


	8. Ghost of a Good Thing

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Ok, this is the warning right now. This does not have proper grammar, and I am sure I misspelled things in here. This is something I do for fun, and so if you are one of those people who want it to be perfect, well I am sorry, it's not. I really appreciate all the amazing reviews from you guys, but I need to let you know.

Thanks and keep on reading and review

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George had left Jess after almost two weeks of coaching. At first he had been resistant to George's 'help'. Jess had confessed one night, after many beers and a long hockey game that he wanted to talk to Sarah's parents, and then hopefully move on. 'You should, and do it soon.' George had said.

Jess had stayed awake at night, just thinking about Sarah. It was his chance to get all of his thoughts together. During the days he would think of Rory and everything about her, but the nights were reserved for Sarah. He didn't know why it was easier to remember her, why in the moonlight, he could remember how many freckles she had on her hand and exactly what the twinkle in her eyes looked like.

He knew he didn't have to justify his actions to anyone, he was responsible for just himself, no one else, but he cared what Elizabeth and Max Strong thought of him. They had become his family, and he didn't want to disappoint them. And most of all, he didn't want them to hate him or think less of his because he was giving up on Sarah.

He sounded and was being ridiculous but grief was the kind of thing that you couldn't tap a time limit on, or how deeply you were involved within it. But he couldn't help but feel guilt that he had the chance to move on, when the Strong's would probably never be able to.

And the phone message that was burning a hole in his mind. He had already messed up with Rory, never responding to her message, and that last one, she sounded so small. It hurt him to think of her like that. He should have at least told her what was going on. But he had messed up, and something inside told him that he didn't have that many more chances with her.

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Meanwhile Rory had called an emergency best friend night, with Lorelai and Lane sitting with her on her couch in her living room and helping her nurse her broken heart. 'I can't believe we didn't think of this sooner.' Lane says and shoves a wooden spoon filled with mint chocolate chip in her mouth.

Lorelai grinned. 'I am so grateful that this baby likes ice cream. When I was pregnant with Emma, every time I tried to eat it, I would get nauseous.' And then she moaned as she had another spoon filled with ice cream.

'I am sure Logan will be sad that he's not here to gab with the gals.' Lane said and I had to laugh. Logan loved to gossip with Lane about the rock stars she came across in her rise to the top.

'He'll survive, he has been dropping by more and more.' I said and Mom rolled her eyes. 'I still can't believe that your friends with him, especially all the stuff he pulled back when you still were together.' Mom said and licked the chocolate syrups that had dripped off of her spoon off of her shirt.

'That's old news, he's been really good with the new stuff.' I said which peaked their interest. 'You know with the Jess stuff, he encouraged me to talk to him. It's not his fault that Jess is getting over major stuff.' Rory says and stabs her spoon in the carton of ice cream.

Rory had tried to act like the slight from jess didn't sting. Even a part of her thought that maybe this was karma kicking her ass for how she treated Kyle. Rory then began to focus on what her Mom and Lane were saying, hoping that her heart would fix itself.

It was stupid of her to assume that Jess would be ready or wanting to reconnect with her. Maybe everything was just in her head. So she tried to smile and listened to Lane's stories about the band and Lorelai talking about her new life as a suburban Mom, and she laughed at their jokes.

But never fully escaping what was going on in her head. Or should we all say who was in her head.

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Jess managed to drive back to Philly a few days after his night of contemplation. He avoided his old house and he tried to ignore the knawing pain of the memories that Philadelphia represented. He didn't think that New York could feel like home, and now it did.

Jess walked up to the front door of Max and Elizabeth Strong's house. At one time, not that long ago, he felt like he belonged there. He had a family, and a great one at that, and then in one day he lost it all. And now he was here to ask them to help him move on.

He knocked and he heard Ellie murmur something as she opened the door and she smiled at the sight of him. 'Jessie this is a surprise' She says and she hugs him right there. 'Hi Ellie, is Max home?' Jess asked and Ellie lead him into the living room.

It was filled with pictures of Sarah and the rest of the family. Pictures of their wedding and the family gatherings that he had been too, in his short time with her. It seemed wrong that he was standing there without Sarah, but the pain he felt the last time he stood in this spot, wasn't there anymore.

It was a couple months after the funeral, and he was telling the Strong's he was moving back to New York. He had told them that he was being haunted by the life he could have had, and that he needed some time. And some time turned into a year and now he had finally managed to emerge from the grief lake he had been swimming in.

'So how is life treating you?' Ellie asked and handed him a glass of water. Somehow she had managed to lull him into a sense of safety, by just being Elizabeth Strong. 'It's ok, I finished the book, and it's being published as we speak. I'll send you the finished copy.'

Ellie smiled and she sat down, and he did too. 'So what brings you by?' Ellie says and Jess sighs. 'You know I loved Sarah, I mean love Sarah.' Jess stammers and Ellie smiles. 'I know Jess.' Ellie said.

'It's been hard to write about her and then go to bed alone. It's really lonely and I can't live with just the memories for that much longer and there's something or I should someone who just waltzed back into my life.'

Ellie gave him a weak smile. 'That's great.' She said and leaned forward and gave Jess's hand a squeeze of encouragement. 'I know it's not been long since it uh happened, but I can't do it anymore. I need to…' Jess stopped at the sight of Ellie's eyes brimming with tears.

'God I am an ass, I'm sorry.' Jess exclaimed and moved to get up. But Ellie stopped him. 'No Jess, this is good. Sarah wouldn't want you to be alone and miserable. It's just the final thing, she is really gone.'

Ellie sniffs and Max comes in at that moment. 'Jess Hey, Ellie what's wrong?' Max goes over and tries to console his wife and Jess looks numb at the older couple. He had wanted nothing more than to have this with Sarah. Or even with Rory.

'Jess is here to talk to us, sit down and listen.' Ellie says and Max smiles a secret little smile at his wife and sits next to her, while holding her hand. 'I told Ellie, that I …' Jess starts and stops and looks around and looks very uncomfortable. 'Jess told me that he is ready to move on.' Ellie looks over at Jess and smiles. 'Aren't you hon?'

Jess shifted uncomfortably, waiting for Max to start telling him all the things he feared. That he was a horrible person that he didn't deserve to live. But it never came. 'I think that's a great idea. We never wanted you to be so alone.' Max said and he smiled.

'You made our Sarah happy, and now that's she's gone, you need to be happy. As long as you keep in touch.' Ellie says and Max nods in agreement.

'You mentioned before that someone stumbled into your life? Who?' Ellie asked and Max rolled his eyes. 'My wife, the gossip queen.' Max mutters but smiles at her and she just keeps on smiling. 'My girlfriend from when I was a belligerent fool. She was my editor for the book. She helped me make the book into Sarah.'

Jess just chuckled. 'I don't even know how she did it, she took all the things I wanted or needed to be in there and made it flow. It's beautiful, and it's Sarah, and she helped me.' Max and Ellie smiled at Jess.

They worried about him. He was quiet and sullen when they met him, but soon he became the man they knew he could be. He smiled and was happy, and then just as he got used to it, being whole, Sarah was taken from him. He reverted back so fast that it seemed impossible. He moved far away and on the phone, he sounded like he would never breathe again.

Whoever this woman is, she managed to get Jess to revert back to the man they knew. Max and Ellie thanked god that this woman managed to sneak back into Jess's life, just as he needed her the most.

'You would love Rory, she is this book obsessed coffee drinker, whose mind and tongue work faster than any other human or machine on the planet. She was my first love, made it possible for me to love anyone.' Jess says and looks at them trying to get them to approve of what his heart wanted. To be with Rory again.

Ellie smiles. 'Well I am sure if she is loved by you, that she is amazing. You got to risk things for love.' She says and watches her husband. 'That's how I got this beautiful women beside me.' Max says and Ellie just chuckles. 'Oh shush you big charmer.' Ellie says and kisses Max.

Jess looked at them and waited for any last chance anger on his part but it never came. It seemed strange how easy this was, and he kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop. These were Sarah's parents, they should be angry that he was moving on. Or maybe he was a little angry with himself. Ashamed that he couldn't hold on for longer. It was only two years after all.

Before Jess left, Max stopped him by the front door. 'When you're ready, let us meet this woman who's stolen your heart again.' Jess felt uncomfortable but figured it wouldn't hurt to give them her name. 'I think I can do that.'

He left the house and never looked back, and he couldn't help but feel like he had conquered part of his problem, and maybe he would call Rory when he got back from Philly.

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It had been weeks since she left that message on Jess's answering machine and after two weeks decided that it was over with. Lynette from work kept on bugging her to go out with her brother. 'He's perfect for you.' Lynette would say all day every day at the office. And finally after talking about it with Lane, she decided why not.

'No reason to wait for Jess to wake up.' Lane had said and then started sprouting something about girl power. She had been going through a lot of rocker girl syndrome as of late. 'I'm a role model Rory, and I need to teach girls how to be strong and independent, like your mom did with us?

So Rory got ready to go on her first post jess date. She dressed to kill, as it was a Gilmore rule, and tried to ignore the feeling like she couldn't breathe. Part of her wanted to wait for jess for as long as he needed, but Rory never dealt with being alone well.

So when Duncan came to the door, she was pleasantly surprised that he was handsome and funny and quick witted. Her favorite kind of man. 'So you're the Rory?' He asked as he walked her out of the apartment.

'Yes I am Rory, and you're really Duncan?' Rory asked and he smiled. 'Lynette said you were beautiful, but wow.' He said and led her to the elevator. 'Your not so bad looking yourself.' Rory flirted back and it amazed her how easy it came back to her. The art of flirting.

Duncan and Rory had a wonderful time on their date. Apparently Lynette had informed her brother of the obvious love of coffee that Rory had. He took her to a restaurant with a coffee list instead of a wine list and they sat and talked about books and basically everything.

It was the kind of date that you brag about to your friends, and when he kissed her on the cheek when he dropped her off, it didn't feel like a blind date, but something under her own will.

'I had a great time Duncan.' Rory said with her eyes shining and with the promise of a future, and that's when she heard a voice behind her. 'Rory?' and both Rory and Duncan looked behind them and saw a sad looking Jess and the safety in the date was obliterated.

'Jess.' Rory says and Duncan just watches his date look relieved and sad at the same time. 'I think maybe I should go.' He says and Rory nods. 'Yeah, maybe that's best. I will call you.' She goes on her tipsy toes and kisses his cheek. 'Thank you Duncan.'

He looks at Rory and Jess one last time and leaves reluctantly, disappearing in the elevator. Rory sighs and looks back at Jess. He looked the same, well at least since the last time she saw him after their dinner in the restaurant. Handsome and rebellious in that delicious way, that made her fall in love with him when she was seventeen.

'Jess what are you doing here?' Rory looked, fully aware that she was displaying her shock and uncertainty on her face. Rory opened her apartment door and Jess followed her in. It was homely and very much like the house he had spent a lot of time in, back in Stars Hallow.

'I just got back from Philly, I was there for awhile.' Jess said and Rory just nodded. 'I got your message, but I needed to do something before I could respond.' Jess says and walked around the apartment following Rory. He didn't even realize it, and Rory didn't either. Her mind was out of sight, and she was currently trying to get over the fact that she had a normal date, only for it to end at a laughable point.

'Oh.' Rory stated and unzipped her dress and it fell to the floor, she didn't even think that maybe she shouldn't be undressing in front of Jess, or the fact that he had never seen her naked. The farthest they had gone was Jess's hands on her belt buckle.

Jess doesn't say anything but he makes a gurgling sound and suddenly Rory feels more powerful than before. She knew she was beautiful, and she knew that Jess would appreciate it. It didn't make her cocky or self-conceited, just aware. She knew that if things turned out well, she could have sex with Jess, and that scared her.

'Rory what are you doing?' Jess managed to say and he tried not to look at the panty-clad woman in front of him. 'I'm getting changed, you're in my bedroom.' Rory stated and put the pink silk nightgown over her head and put the pink fuzzy slippers that meow on her feet and put her hair up in a ponytail. 'I'm tired Jess, so whatever you need to say on how you aren't ready, just say it so I can go to sleep.'

Jess swallowed and tried not to focus on Rory's exposed flesh and tried to banish the teenage fantasies of his past. 'I think we should go out on a date.' Jess said and Rory laughed. 'So did I weeks ago, I tried to move on Jess.'

Jess thought that this was laughable. He spent weeks trying to get over his guilt and trying to own up to his feelings, and in those weeks, Rory had moved on. 'So you're done?' Jess asked, with a hint of anger in his voice. How dare Rory dictate their relationship. 'No, I just thought you weren't interested.' Rory said and narrowed her eyes at Jess as she starts combing her hair roughly.

'I know I didn't respond to your messages.' Jess said and Rory gave him a look that made him shrink down. He knew that she may have taken his lack of reply as disinterest, but he didn't expect anger. 'But I needed …' Rory snorted. 'You needed to do something, yeah I got that Jess, so now that your back, you just expect me to run into your arms and be grateful that you are finally getting around to me.'

Jess crossed his arms over his chest and his body language started to reveal his inner feelings. How mad he was getting. 'Look, I had to go tell Sarah's parents I was moving on, I needed to let them know.' Jess spits and Rory gasps and she just nods. 'This is why I shouldn't listen to my head.' Rory says and she sits on her bed, almost touching where Jess was, but made it feel like they were miles apart.

Jess sighs. 'We are not good with this communicating thing.' Jess says and the anger has seemed to exit his body at the sight of a desolate Rory. 'I just didn't know if you would ever come back.' Rory whispers and Jess goes and sits next to her takes her hand in his.

'Remember when I said I would let you know when I was ready?' Jess starts and Rory nods her head. 'Well I think I am.'

Rory smiles and sighs. 'Well I guess we need to go on a date then?' She says and Jess could tell that she was actually really sleepy, and he felt like he was under her spell, and felt his eyes droop and his breathing deepened, and all he wanted was to fall back with Rory in his arms and sleep.

'Do you think you can..' Rory starts and indicates the bed and Jess gets up and takes off his jacket and slides on the bed, beside her. 'Let's just sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow.'

Rory smiled and turned off the light and they snuggled under the covers and she sighed with contentment. She had missed sleeping with someone and it felt so good for Jess to be there.

'Night Jess.' Rory whispered in the dark and Jess was quiet for a few minutes and he whispered back, sure that she was asleep. 'Sleep well.'


	9. Never Leave Lonely Alone

Title: You're Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the title is from James Blunt song of the same title. No infringement intended.

Summary: Jess sees Rory on the train in New York five years after his last encounter with her. (Set after let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out episode

Well apparently this is the end of this story. It kind of happened out of nowhere. I didn't plan it and I don't know what I am going to write next. So I hope you guys like this ending, and let me know what you think. Sorry about such a lapse in time, I was in Florida and then in England and I was stuck on what to write exactly. I got lost in the details I guess.

Thanks and keep on reading and review

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Jess woke up and tried to escape the sun from shining in his still closed eyes, he was suddenly aware that he wasn't alone in his bed. If he was younger, he may have groaned and tried to figure out which girl was with him. But instead he looked at the ceiling and tried to clear his sleep hazed mind. He looked down and smiled at the sight of a very asleep Rory Gilmore, and suddenly everything was brought back to him. His visit with Sarah's parents and his desperate and truthful plea with Rory.

And now he had her flush with his body and there was no escaping it. Even one movement and it would jar her awake. He knew this from many movie nights spent in her house or the apartment. He used to love it that Rory felt it so easy to fall asleep in his arms.

Just then Rory groaned and rolled over and pulled herself even closer to Jess's side and she smiled in her sleep. Rory looked peaceful and it gave him a chance to think things through.

He knew that it was time to move on with his life, but that didn't mean it was easy to do so. He had always been connected to Rory Gilmore, and he didn't think it would ever go away, but did that mean she was the person to move on with?

He had heard that you know you were with the right person when you could just sit in silence, and this was almost like it wasn't it? He respected her and he knew that she could make his heart spin in circles with just one smile. And best of all she supported him in everything he did without saying a word.

Jess needed more time to figure out if he had the heart to risk it again. To fully give the woman in his arms his heart, and not worry that in an instant she would be taken from him. So he shut his eyes and pretended that everything was right in the world

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Rory opened her eyes after a sleep that was the best she had in god knows when, and she knew that she wasn't alone. She looked over and Jess was sound asleep next to her. Rory couldn't believe that this was happening. It seemed strange to be on such a yo yo course with Jess. One minute they were so screwed up that there was no hope, and now they were in each other's arms.

She didn't want to wake him up but she had to pee really badly so she tried to slip almost motionless out of the bed. Jess was predictable and safe asleep. She didn't need answers or she didn't need to have a clue about what they were going to do.

She managed to not move too much when getting out of bed and tip toed to the bathroom and tried to be as quiet as possible. She even went to the guest bathroom, to be sure. She then padded to the kitchen to go make some coffee, and saw that she had messages.

Hey kid, how did the date go? I hope he made ya swoon. Call me at the Inn to let me know. Love ya kid. 

Rory smiled and itched to call her mother. But that would take knowing what the hell had happened. Normally she would be exhausted already at this time of day, but instead she felt well rested.

Hey Rory, it's Duncan. I hope that you cleared things up with that guy last night. Give me a call, and we can arrange that second date we were talking about. You got the number

Rory sighed and erased the message. Duncan was fun and he was cute and successful, but being with jess ruined her for anyone else. She expected for men to have the wit and the no holds barred way that Jess had mesmerized her with. He knew how to get to the point where she is willing to give herself, without making it obvious.

It used to drive Dean crazy when Rory would offer so much of herself to Jess without much provocation, whereas it was always a struggle for Dean to make Rory reveal even a part of herself. Simply put, Jess made her want to reach out and reveal everything that was in her heart.

Suddenly she felt a presence behind her and she turns around and Jess is standing there awkwardly, looking around. 'Morning.' Rory says and he smiles at her. 'Morning.' Rory walks towards him and leans in to give him a hug, and he accepts it and firmly holds Rory in his arms and embrace.

'Sleep well?' He asked and smirked and it stole Rory's breath. For a minute, it felt like they were teenagers again, and she felt the instant sexual pull when he smirked. 'Not really, you were snoring.' She says delighted of the connection they shared.

'I was not!.' He said indignantly but smiled at how happy Rory looked. It seemed that whatever problems that separated them then, had faded into the background.

'Want some coffee?' He asked and she followed him happily as he taught her the ultimate secret of the world. Luke's coffee recipe. 'you know, now that I have the secret, I can finally rule the world. World domination is mine!' Rory says and laughs.

Jess just raises one of his eyebrows. 'Patience pinkie!' He said and they both laughed. 'Are you free today?' Jess asked suddenly and it brought last nights happenings out in the open.

'Yeah' Rory said simply while sipping her delicious coffee. 'Alright.' Jess said and smiled. 'What are you up to Mr. Mariano?' Rory said after seeing that almost predatory smirk on his face.

Jess just shrugged. 'You said we needed to go on a date, so I thought we could do it today.' He said and Rory just nodded dumbly. 'Alright, meet me at the Brooklyn Bridge at 6 and it shall begin.'

Jess left Rory's apartment soon afterwards with a promise of an amazing date that night. Rory still had to deal with Duncan and if jess hadn't shown up last night and told her what was going on, she could have been going out on a second date tonight with Duncan.

But instead she was on her way to trying things again with Jess. Something that thrilled her and scared her at the same time. Would this time be different, would they have the same spark, and would the multiple misunderstandings that doomed their relationship in the first place.

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Rory called Duncan first and thank god she got his machine, and she said that she had a great time, but things just weren't going to work out. She knew that she took the chicken way out, but she always had trouble being the one to say 'I don't want to be with you anymore.' When she had to do it with Kyle, it was the worst thing in the world for her. Of course, because she was ending a marriage and dashing the hopes for everyone around her, including herself; but to say to someone you love or care about, that they aren't enough for you? That is the worst thing in the world.

She sighed and then she felt the knot of unease in her stomach. Was she being foolish about Jess? Could she depend on him, when she really couldn't before? She knew he had changed. Even if she hadn't known the things she known, just looking at him, he was entirely completely different. That wild rebellious look that he carried like a chip on his shoulder was long gone, and the only not perfect thing about Jess Mariano was the pain that seemed to scar his beautiful face.

His eyes were wounded, and she now knew why there were. It was something that made her want to hug him and try to take it away and worse of all, it didn't matter that she was with him now, Sarah and their baby were so far removed from her that it would be a permanent reminder how far she had fallen. And all she wanted to do was help him heal.

With that thought in mind, she picked up the phone and called Duncan on his cell phone, and she got him. 'Duncan, hi. It's Rory Gilmore. Do you think you could meet with me for coffee?'

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She arranged to meet him at a coffee shop around the corner from where she lived, and incidentally where he lived too. She waited and texted Jess to let him know what she was doing. She waited and when she saw him, and the look on her face, made her feel a little worse for what she was doing.

'I didn't expect to hear from you again.' He said in a monotone voice and she winced again. 'So you heard my message?' She said and he just stared at her. 'I apologize for how I chose to let you know, it was cowardly, but in my defence I still feel ill about it.' She said and took a sip from her coffee.

'Oh?' Duncan said and the charm that was so easy to him last night was gone, and there was just an angry man. 'Had the end of the date never happened, I probably would have called you about a second date, but Jess showed up and well..' She trailed off and he just sat there staring at Rory. 'You should have told me that you weren't single.' He says.

'I was single. Jess and I are complicated and I really thought that I would never hear from him, but things were complicated. Things are usually complicated when it comes to us. But I want to apologize for being a stupid girl, and for not treating you how you deserve.' Rory sipped her coffee while he said nothing.

'So how complicated is this relationship of yours, I doubt you would be in it, if it was in fact that complicated.' He said and Rory just looked at him dumbly. 'Well to make a long story short, we dated in high school, he left without a word, came back told me he loved me and then left, a year later he came and made me realize that leaving Yale was a bad idea and wrote a book basically about me, and then left again, didn't see him, my life became a mess, and then, I see him on a train after my divorce and I became his editor without his knowledge about the book in memory of his recently dead wife and child.' I said and he looked shocked.

'Like I said it's complicated.' I said and moved to get up. 'I hope that you don't think that I am just saying this to make myself appear any better, I realize I was a jerk to you, but I am sorry.' I got up and put money down for my coffee. 'Maybe I will see you around Duncan.' I picked up my coat and walked out to meet Jess.

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Jess was waiting for Rory at the bench underneath the Brooklyn Bridge and he smiled at the sight of Rory Gilmore. Her hair was whipping all over the place and she was trying to manoeuvre around people. Jess didn't think he would ever feel that thrill from seeing a beautiful woman again. He thought that he had his chances, and now he was content to write about them rather than deal with them.

He had started off young, dating and fooling with women from a very young age, too young now that he thought about it. Rory was his first real innocent love that took over his mind and heart before he was aware of it. Sometimes he would ask himself why he didn't run away from her the minute there was a chance it wouldn't work out. He was the worst with rejection. But no he stuck through it, and it gave him the spirit to make things work out well with Sarah.

'Hi.' Rory says her eyes flashing with warmth and love and Jess thinks back to the train. The Rory he saw sitting and looking so lost and desolate was gone, and instead he sees an older and more saged adult Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. She leans in and kisses him, and his fingers tingle and the world fades and there is only Jess and Rory together.

They part with both of them wanting more, and he looks into her deep blue eyes and smiles. 'You're beautiful.' He says and she smiles.

THE END


End file.
